The cookie itself wasn’t consuming her mind. The rule about the cookie was.

Have you ever noticed that the moment you’re told not to think about something, it suddenly becomes all you can think about? Don’t think about a pink elephant. What happened? Most people immediately picture a pink elephant.

The brain is funny that way. It doesn’t always respond well to strict commands. In fact, trying very hard not to think about something often makes it more present.

Food can work similarly.

Many people who struggle with disordered eating have a list of foods they try not to eat, think about, crave, want, or enjoy. The “bad” foods. And yet those foods often end up taking up a surprising amount of mental space. You might find yourself thinking about them throughout the day. Planning how to avoid them. Negotiating whether you’ve “earned” them. Feeling guilty if you eat them. Promising yourself you’ll do better tomorrow. The food becomes much bigger than the food.

I remember a client once telling me, “I spend more time thinking about cookies when I’m not allowing myself to eat them.” That observation stopped her in her tracks. She realized the cookie itself wasn’t consuming hours of her day. The rule about the cookie was. That insight opened the door to a different question:

What if the problem wasn’t the cookie?

What if the problem was the relationship she had developed with it?

Many of us have learned to divide foods into two categories: Good foods and bad foods. Good foods are the foods we’re proud of eating. The foods that make us feel disciplined, healthy, or in control. Bad foods are the foods we feel guilty about eating. The foods we try to avoid, resist, earn, compensate for, or “be good” around.

At first glance, this way of thinking can seem helpful. After all, foods do have different nutritional qualities. A carrot is not nutritionally identical to a cookie.

But over time, something interesting often happens. The foods we’ve labeled as “bad” begin to carry more emotional charge. They become more exciting, more tempting, more frightening, and more powerful.

And sometimes, after spending mental energy trying not to eat them, we end up eating more than we intended and wondering what happened. An all-foods-fit perspective doesn’t mean nutrition doesn’t matter. It doesn’t necessarily mean eating whatever you want whenever you want. Instead, it suggests something much simpler:

Foods have different nutritional properties, but foods do not have moral value.

Baked chicken with veggies isn’t a virtue.

A potato chip isn’t a character flaw.

A salad isn’t proof that you’re doing life correctly.

They’re just foods.

And when foods become less emotionally and morally-charged, they often lose their power over us.

I’ve seen many people discover that the foods they feared most became easier to eat in moderation—not when they tried harder not to eat them, but when they stopped treating them as dangerous. As judgment softened, curiosity grew. As fear decreased, flexibility increased. As rules loosened, eating became less chaotic.

I’m curious what comes up for you as you read this. If you were to make two columns today—“good foods” and “bad foods”—what would be on your lists? And where did you learn to categorize food that way? And how is the rigid thinking effecting your eating patterns?

A Small Practice for This Week

Choose one food that typically lands on your “bad foods” list.

Before eating it—or even just thinking about it—pause and ask yourself:

What story have I learned to tell myself about this food?

Then ask: What might change if this were simply a food, without all the emotional and moral charge?

You don’t have to convince yourself of anything.

You don’t have to suddenly love the food.

Just notice what happens when you approach that food with curiosity instead of judgment. Often in disordered eating recovery, healing begins not when we change what we’re eating, but when we change how we’re thinking about food.

Seeking support to heal your relationship with food and your body image? Contact us at info@ndhtherapy.com or set up a free 15 minute consult with one of our therapists.